November 13th Thoughts

I don't know why I put myself in positions like this. I love God, love being in his presence, but when a retreat comes along or something I put myself into a role where I'm not in that presence of God. Its really frustrating for me, how I want to be in the presence so bad yet I bind myself to my 'duty' and can't bring myself to break out of it. I can't explain it, and I know I've come so much closer to God and He has rewarded me for my obedience. I just, I have this God given talent for all things technical, yet I've bound myself to that talent so much that... I can't allow myself out of it. Maybe I'm just meant to help others into the presence with my ability, yet I can't help but feel there's so much more for me in the presence of God and if I obey I know I will be rewarded, I just have to take that step. Step out of my box. My safety zone. It'll be hard, but its what I need. I think.