Hopes

Photo from
http://www.epiphanymarketing.com/

This post kindof spawns from the conference I recently did lighting at in Alberta Beach for the Experience crew from Fort McMurray. The speaker talked about dreams - essentially living your dreams. I don't remember the dreams I have at night, but I have high hopes and expectations of what I'm going to accomplish with my life. These are what I consider my dreams (as mostly everyone does, since nobody seriously considers their life dreams what they remember from when they sleep... do they? If they do, I'm seriously missing out).

My dreams include buying a house/my own place to live; getting married; having kids (yes in that order); succeeding in my career; being proud of what I do. I also have some crazy dreams like doing lighting for YC Alberta. That would be sick. But let's be honest, there are way more people that have better lighting skills than I do. Plus the guy they get is pretty cool, not gonna lie. I have gotten to help out in some small ways at the past few YC's, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. The highlight of my YC experiences was when I was just standing around backstage and Trevor McNevan of TFK came up and asked me how I was doing. It showed me what a real and genuine guy this... rockstar was. It kinda got me thinking - if I was as big as he is, would I be able to act the same as I do now? I would hope so, but I have a pretty big ego so it might go to my head. Which is probably a good thing that God has me getting involved in small ways. I feel satisfied and happy and I help things happen.

Back to dreams.My dreams are small (mostly), but I think thats part of who I am - I don't tend to set my standards extremely high. Is it because I'm afraid of failure? Probably. The second part of the exercise where we wrote down our dreams was to write down what holds us back from achieving those goals. The number one thing on my list was fear - fear of failure or fear of success? I'm not even sure of which it is to this date (the retreat was almost a month ago). I have been thinking about it a lot because I can't figure myself out. It gets on my nerves that I can't figure myself out. I'm typically a laid back, easy-going person. I know what I want and I'm stubborn. I consider myself a jerk sometimes because well, I don't like beating around the bush.

There are so many things in life that people don't understand - and then there are things that people aren't meant to understand. God's love, for example, is not meant to be understood. We know that it exists and it never goes away - that's all we need to know! God has everflowing mercy and grace. Some personal things that I don't understand about myself irk me.

Most of my hopes and dreams I'll be able to accomplish and it's very easy to determine if I will achieve those hopes and dreams. I know God pushes me to dream bigger, and that's a step outside my box. I guess my hope is that I'll be able to continue stepping outside of my box like I have been able to for the past couple years (starting when I moved out). Moving away from home and going to a school where I knew absolutely nobody was a really big life experience, and next year my girlfriend will be experiencing the same thing. It's a big moment for her and I'm excited for her - and it'll be a new stage in our relationship. I know it kinda doesn't relate to this post (and yet it does, at the same time), but I can't wait to watch our relationship continue to grow and mature. It's come a long way since I met her in that parking lot at MGA a few years back, and I couldn't be happier.

Windows 8

So this post will just be my thoughts on the Windows 8 Developer Preview that I have recently installed on my laptop (side by side with my Windows 7 installation).

1. The Interface - So everyone knows that Windows 8 will be compatible with tablets, nothing new there. The Start Menu is the part of the interface that not only has changed the most, but will be the biggest feature for tablet users. It features what Microsoft calls the 'Metro Display' which instead of a list of apps on your start menu, they're on tiles that you can organize. The Start Menu is also full screen. Kinda weird. It is really easy to switch between the start menu and the 'Desktop View' because well, there's a big button that says 'Desktop' and when you click it you see a Windows 7 style desktop. If I was to be using this OS as my main system I would probably prefer this view a little bit more. When you open Non-Metro apps, it automatically kicks you over to this 'Desktop View' as well and opens it there. The big change is that instead of your Desktop View being your central screen that everything stems from, the Start Menu is now the core screen.
2. The Apps - This is probably the biggest change for Microsoft - having the ability to buy and sell apps. Obviously this functionality already exists within Windows Phone 7, but they see how successful Apple is and this will probably appeal to those with Windows 8 on a tablet more then anyone else (why would you get an app from the Marketplace when you can download a desktop version online?). It comes preloaded with some games (as all Windows computers do) and while they aren't the greatest, I can't really complain. Have to keep in mind that no developers have done anything for this OS except for Microsoft's team. I'm pretty sure games are pretty low on their list of things to do to get it release ready. One thing I haven't learned how to do yet is actually close one of these Metro apps from within the app without using the Task Manager.
3. Internet Explorer - Easily the most hated web browser on the planet, however, it is the number one web browser for downloading a better browser. What's a little different in Windows 8 is that there seems to be two different IE's existing in the ecosystem. One is the IE metro app and one in the Desktop IE. They don't seem to be interchangeable. Yes they both work, but the metro app is definitely a different look and feel. I kinda like having it full screen and it uses the right click a little bit more. You can however switch easily between your open Metro Apps and your Desktop apps using Alt+Tab. I am actually writing this from within the Metro IE. The Ctrl+Tab still switches you between tabs, but the user interface is way different. Also, within the Metro IE, the scrollbar no longer takes up space on the screen. It is visible, but it's kinda like iPhone in that it sits on top of the content, not beside. Also, Metro IE doesn't support Flash yet, but I downloaded Chrome and Flash works great. Not sure if this is a bug but there is lots of time to get it working.
4. The Windows Key - I have found myself using the Windows Key quite a bit in Windows 8. This is because it's the easiest way to get back into the Start Menu from within a Metro App or in Desktop View. All the regular Windows key shortcuts are still active, from what I can tell, and when you press it from within the Start Menu, it just kicks you back into whatever you last had open, which I like.
5. The Installation/Startup/Running - This probably should have been my first point, but as long as it's here I'm happy. Installation was a typical Windows installation, very similar to Windows 7. One thing I was really impressed by was the fact that there wasn't really any install time. Once it had uncompressed the files from the disc it instantly just rebooted into my first run bootup. This was awesome. Startup and shutdown are quick (almost lightning fast), which is a major bonus. They really worked hard on streamlining that for Windows 8. Running on my laptop, I find my laptop to be running significantly hotter then it does when just running Windows 7. I almost can't even have it sitting on my lap. It's not like it gets hot and then cools down either, it's a constant heat. This is a major complaint, however, you have to remember this version of Windows is Pre-Beta testing. It's like a taste of what's to come. Microsoft is teasing us with Windows 8 and making us want it all. I have no doubt this problem will get fixed as my battery life also sucks on it.

All in all, I am so far impressed by Windows 8. While the Start Menu is a big change as now it seems that the OS is based around it, I kinda like it. However, I can see how when people install a lot of apps it would get a little bit cluttered with all the tiles on it. I will be continuing to use it, as I have just installed it yesterday, probably will use it until I can't anymore. By that time there should be the RC version available for me to download and try. So yeah, definitely wets my appetite for the future.

LDR's

Long distance relationships suck. This is nothing new. I'm just reiterating it for the masses. Although I wouldn't say this blog reaches the masses. Whatever. They suck. There are bright spots though, and for these bright spots I am quite thankful.

Image credit: http://solarphotographers.com

In fact, LDR's (long distance relationships) boast some advantages. It does make you value the spend time you do get to spend with your significant other, for example. It definitely helps you ease into a relationship as well (although, at the beginning you always wanna spend 24/7 with the other person). One of the best advantages though, is it really forces you to communicate well.

Now hear me out, no you don't get as much face to face time, but time spent just communicating is forced. Two of the biggest building blocks of relationships are communication and empathy (and with empathy comes patience, trust, etc). Now, allowing that patience and communication to grow has huge benefits for the later parts of relationships. You already have all that out of the way so you can move on to more important things.

Most people hold the belief that long distance relationships rarely ever work. One has to then ask them if their relationship won't work long distance, how can they feel comfortable saying that it would last if they lived in the same town (or together, I don't hate). Putting everything into perspective, yeah, LDR's suck. Majorly. But it's not like there isn't advantages. I talk regularly (or I try to) to my girlfriend on the phone and yeah we get to see each other about once a month for a few days. It's not much, but that time is when I'm happiest. I've had several people tell me I'm just a more pleasant person when I'm with her or when I know I'm going to see her soon. And you know what my secret is for having a good relationship? I ask myself one simple question: will it make her happy? If it doesn't or won't, what's the point. I get upset when she's upset and when she's happy it makes me happy. Win-win.

Anyways, this is my post on my long distance relationship, and as much as it sucks, I wouldn't trade this girl for anything in the world. She's the bomb to my diggity. Also, I am in no way saying that relationships where you never experience a LDR is not a legit relationship. This post is to say as much as they may suck, you gotta take the good parts out of it.

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Something that's kind of related to this is moving in with said boyfriend/girlfriend before getting married. I just want to say that my stance on this is very much against it. When people use the excuse 'you don't really know the person that well before living with them' is such complete crap. Honestly. Try spending time with them communicating and getting to actually know them and see how and where they live. It tells a lot about a person. Just because you might suck at reading how the other person is does not mean that you get to know them better once you move in together. Plus, where's the risk in that? When you love someone isn't nothing else supposed to matter? So why does it so much? I dunno. Just a little bit of an addition to this post that is kind of related. I guess it goes without saying I will not be living with my girlfriend when she moves down here to Edmonton. And why should I? There is absolutely no reason for it because we aren't married. Call me old fashioned (and I kind of am old fashioned so I don't take it badly) but if I end up marrying her, that will be the time to move in with her.

There. Done.

Crap Situations

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you just say 'enough is enough'? Where you just make a decision to not take the crap that's happening anymore and (potentially) do something about it? I'm having one of those situations right now.

One of my pet peeves is probably when people say something like 'I have a secret' and then they never tell you the secret, or 'I'm mad' and never tell you what they're mad about? I find this to be most common from women (not being sexist here, just a personal observation). This is why guys sometimes just gotta have brotime. Guys tell it how it is. Straight up. Legit. Girls either try to beat around the bush or worry about what might happen way too much. Yes, I do care what others think, but honestly, trying to say things that indirectly are supposed to make people think one thing - doesn't work. If you've got a problem with someone, tell them. Tell them honestly. That gets everything out in the open and then you can start to deal with it so it doesn't get bottled up inside.

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Just Another Journal Entry

So I have recently had two friends get out of relationships that really weren't healthy for either of them. I'm glad I have such mature friends that can recognize a bad situation and they remove themselves from it. At the same time to have a relationship go south and to have a breakup is never a happy time.

Sure, life goes on but you can't let yourself be the same. When you end a relationship for the right reasons you need to take what you can from it and learn the lessons that need to be learned. Some lessons are tougher to swallow where some are easy. Time is such a good thing to help you reflect on your life and make changes where necessary. This is especially important after ending a relationship because you need to discover who you are again.

Now, I'm not saying that if you want an opportunity to think about your life to make a major change. But if you're not happy, change your situation. I have several friends on facebook that constantly are complaining about their situation. In all honesty they have nobody to blame but themselves for where they are in life. Yes sometimes life hands us a basket full of fruit and sometimes a basket full of dynamite. Everything is what you make of it. If you maintain a positive and generally good outlook on life, you'll be happy.

I guess all I'm really trying to say with this post is make the most out of every situation, and you'll walk away from every situation content that things will work out. Continue to look forward and you'll be fine!

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The Job Search Is Over!

Well, guess what people. Yup. My summer long job search has finally rounded out to completion. I started as a Business Analyst at the Alberta Blue Cross on August 8!

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Choices

So lately I found myself pondering something a little bit theological. This is that if God knows everything that's going to happen, why does He give us choices? I asked a few friends about it and the general consensus is the same. God gives us choices, and his plan includes all different situations that could happen. What God knows is endless. He knows how things are going to happen to matter what we choose to do. It's our job, I would go as far as say it's our personal responsibility to choose to do things that fit into God's plan. If we don't, we might find ourselves on the outside looking in.

I don't know about you, but when it comes to God, I don't want to be on the outside looking in. I don't want to be in the mindset that God is against me or that I have to fight Him for some reason. When we take the time to spend with God it makes our choices for our lives easier. When we give up control to Him and let Him fight our battles, life gets so much easier.

In my life right now, I don't have a job. Now, for some people, this would be extremely stressful. There has been opportunities for temporary positions not in the IT field that I could have taken advantage of but I know God has something great planned for me in my field. I just have to be patient and let things happen how they happen. I was blessed to work at Suncor last summer and still have money in my savings to live. It's not a lot, but hey, living rent free in my parents place while I look for a job here in Edmonton has been a huge blessing.

Anyways, I guess the point of this post is really just to follow the plan God has for your life because it's easier to be with Him then against Him. 'If God is for us, who can stand against us.' God knows what will happen in the future and it will happen whether or not you want to be involved so it's up to us here on Earth to make the choice.

'I Love You'

Watching How I Met Your Mother on a Friday night with Brandon, there was an episode kindof all about saying 'I love you'. It made me ponder the impact of those words. The value some people place on those three little yet so powerful words. How some people misuse and don't value the words. The song by dc Talk, 'Luv Is A Verb' probably sums up how I feel about the four letter word. I have never been one to throw around the word and barely say it to anyone.

Sure, HIMYM was using it in a comedic sense and for comedic effect. However, they brought up some good points in this episode, not just about saying 'I love you'. They brought up points about how you should wait to have sex and things of that nature. It was a really good episode for a couple reasons. But anywho, I just wanted to make a post about the importance of love and to remind myself mostly, but remind everybody that love is important. Don't abuse it. That's about all I want to say.

Evolution

I saw a post on facebook a while back that kinda made me a little upset with how people educate themselves. The statement was that 'evolution is false in every way' (or something along those lines). Now, whoever reads my blog knows I like dictionary definitions so why change now?

ev·o·lu·tion   
[ev-uh-loo-shuhn or, especially Brit., ee-vuh-]
–noun
1. any process of formation or growth; development: the evolution of a language; the evolution of the airplane.
2. a product of such development; something evolved: The exploration of space is the evolution of decades of research.
3. Biology. change in the gene pool of a population from generation to generation by such processes as mutation, natural selection, and genetic drift.

In this case, I don't think evolution is wrong. At all. Now, the person was obviously referring to definition 3. As a Christian, I can see where they might be trying to come from because the theory of evolution has been tied together when the origin of species. I believe evolution happens. To say it doesn't happen would make anybody seem like they don't know what they're talking about. However, to say that humans evolved from primates? Yeah, I don't believe that. At all. I believe we were made and that our God has a plan for everyones lives. I have experienced miracles, I have experienced situations where it couldn't be anything but God that made it happen.

Now, back to evolution. Natural selection obviously happens. If it didn't, how come so many species become extinct even year to year? How come there is variations of species? I see myself as a realistic person. I believe what makes sense in my mind. That being said, I am a Christian, and I believe that evolution happens. To say species all came from the same place doesn't make sense. To say humans came from primates makes no sense. Yes primates are smart and 'similar' to humans, but they are not us! We are not them!

That's all I have to say about this. Sorry if it doesn't seem to flow together very well. I was watching Auction Hunters as I wrote this.

Lifelovemusic pt.3 – life

Now, I know I did this order completely backwards, but I don’t care. It’s my blog. If you don’t like it, make your own blog and complain about it =D

Life for me is summed up by Mark Twain. I suppose it has to do with all three parts of lifelovemusic. Here’s one of my favourite quotes of all time.

“Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth” -Mark Twain

It’s such an amazing quote. Basically to me, it means live life to the fullest. Plan like you’re going to live forever but live like you’re going to die tomorrow. Don’t have regrets, because having regrets means you’re living in the past. All in all, life is our most precious commodity. People fight for a better life. People fight to defend people in their lives. What people do when faced with death may shock some people. I said love is power, but life is leverage. That’s just my opinion I suppose. Take it or leave it.

Lifelovemusic pt.2 - love

I just wanted to talk a little bit about love. I have a little poem I guess you could call it that I used on facebook when they had that little content box underneath your profile picture (anyone else remember that? no? oh… well… anyways)

What is love?
Love is the answer,
Love is the cure,
Love is what the
world is looking for,
Love can save a life,
Lack of love can take a life,
Love... love is power.

It’s still on my facebook profile, just under the ‘about me’ section because I don’t know where else it would fit. It’s not really a favourite quotation because I wrote it. It sums up all my thoughts on love. One question I have sometimes is if love would solve all the worlds problems. Love for our enemies, like Jesus said in the Bible we need to have. We need to love other human beings as that – human beings. I read a really good article that I posted on my facebook (I’ll try and locate it and put it here too (here it is http://bit.ly/kQtLI7)) after Osama bin Laden had been killed. It was basically saying that we shouldn’t celebrate over another human beings death. Yes, there is closure for peoples families that were involved in the horrific plane crashes in 2001, however, a death of a fellow human being should never be celebrated. The winning of a war can be celebrated. Not the deaths of the people. Death is something to be mourned, not celebrated. You can celebrate someone's life, but you shouldn’t celebrate their death. This kinda spills over into the life topic too, but I don't really care. Love your neighbors as yourself. It's that simple.

Anyways, that’s my little bit about that. I can’t really say too much about love because well… my little poem says it all. Have a good day, y’all.

Lifelovemusic pt.1 - music

This is the name of a clothing company, actually. Started by former Skillet guitarist Ben Kasica. I have some of their shirts. However, I am not talking about the clothing line. I'm talking about three simple words, and I want to start off with the smallest of these words in a three-part mini-series (ooooh, how exciting!).

So. Music. What is it? Has the definition of music changed throughout the years? I would like to assume it has. I define music as a combination of sounds that is made to please or entertain or tell a story. I know its kind of broad, but really, its my definition. Get over it. Music, however, is power. It is one of the most compelling influences to date. Vladimir Lenin, you all remember him from history class, was quoted as saying 'Music is the quickest way to destroy a generation.' When I first saw that quote, I was interested, but it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I now think, 'has my generation been destroyed by its music?' And unfortunately I would have to say yes. So many problems in society or reflected from the music people listen to. It affects how you feel, what you think, how you behave. It is the one thing that can bring you to tears and then lift you up. It is the strangest part of life, that music is just noise. Noise created for a purpose. To tell a story. What you put in your head will come out one way or another, so that's why I choose (mostly) to listen to clean music. I don't judge people that don't, its just my personal choice. Anyways, I will post more on this later. Bedtime.

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Frustration

I think I can honestly say that one feeling that nobody ever likes to feel is frustration. It's almost a feeling of helplessness, like you can't do anything to fix the situation you're in. You feel like nobody can help you. I almost feel like that right now, and I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I feel indecisive. I feel... lost almost. There are so many emotions that start swirling in your inner being when you feel frustrated it's hard to keep track of them. All I know is that I wish things just... happened easier for me sometimes. And I know it's selfish of me to say that because my life is a lot easier then a lot of other peoples.

There's a Petra song called Test of Time, and it's one of my favourite songs by them. It has a line that simply says

'The choices that we make will stand the test of time'

and I can't help but feel intimidated by that almost. What I do in the present will always be what happened in my past. Sometimes it's hard for me to make decisions, I just wish it came easier for me. I need God to lead my way right now. God knows what's going on. God will make His plan known, and if it doesn't line up with mine, mine will have to change. I'm not an unreasonable person, I just wanna know sooner rather then later...

Jesus Culture

I found myself today pondering on the name of a worship band, Jesus Culture. I was reminded myself that Christianity is not a religion; it’s a relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Yet, at the same time, I found myself thinking of how they got this band name. Jesus Culture, not relationship, culture. The use of the word culture implies a few things. Let’s start with the dictionary definition of culture.

cul•ture   
[kuhl-cher]
noun, verb, -tured, -tur•ing.
–noun
1. the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc.
2. that which is excellent in the arts, manners, etc.
3. a particular form or stage of civilization, as that of a certain nation or period: Greek culture.
4. development or improvement of the mind by education or training.
5. the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group: the youth culture; the drug culture.

I would say that a Jesus Culture would fit into definition 5. So to say it another way, it’s a Jesus behavior and belief characteristic of a particular social, ethnic or age group. Since Christianity doesn’t have an age group and crosses all ethnicities and all social statuses, we can eliminate that part of the definition. A Jesus Culture would then be a Jesus behavior and beliefs characteristic of a group. We can probably get rid of behavior too because well, same reason as the others. This makes Jesus Culture equivalent to a Jesus beliefs characteristic of a group. I almost find this fitting to be honest. When in a close relationship, one believes certain things about this person. They know everything about them (theoretically) and can tell them anything. The group part of it really just means there are multiple people that believe it. To experience a Jesus Culture is to be in that close and personal relationship with Jesus! It’s exciting! If you are in a close and personal relationship with the creator of this universe, you’re part of the Jesus Culture! And I must say I love what Jesus Culture does through their music and through their name. Their name provokes thought like the one I experienced not half an hour ago.

Cheerio,
Ryan

Fix Me

I downloaded the new Emery album, and while i am not a huge fan of screaming, I love the songs on the album where they're actually singing. This has always been the case with me and Emery. Sort of a love-hate relationship with their music. Anyways. The last song on the album, entitled "Fix Me" really spoke to me. So much so I listened to it 4 or 5 times in a row. And the lyrics, just are so powerful. It's basically a prayer out to God to fix our problems. To fix our broken hearts. To help us control our situations so that they don't evolve into something we can't handle.

To me, this is such a powerful prayer. When I broke up with my ex, I felt so broken inside. I didn't want to end it, but I knew I had to. I felt God was pulling me another direction, and yet it broke my heart. And I let it go for so long that I was so unhappy with everything when it had happened. I had to learn how to relive my life. I had to become who I was, not who I was with her. I needed God to fix my heart before I could do that. And He did. He put friends in my life who cared and were there for me through it all. Those are still my 3 closest friends, one of which I am dating and the other 2 I consider siblings, because I can talk to them about anything and I love them like a brother/sister. Part of the song says "Maybe this will tear me apart, But maybe i'll go back to the start, And honestly I can't believe that this is really happening.", and that's exactly how I felt. But God freed me from that. I am so grateful for everything that my life has become now.

You can hit up the lyrics here: http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/emery/fixme.html
Youtube Link (lyrics only): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS5ibZ4Ctcs

Being Original

So many people these are wanting to be original, I think the meaning of the term has tanked. What is original anymore? As humans, we've categorized everything, given everything a label, a title. I think what more people need to start doing is just being themselves. There's over a billion people in the world. There's no way you can be unique. But, you can be yourself. How do you be yourself? That's just it, people don't know that either. I think its pretty simple, but that's because I'm also pretty independent and live on my own. You just need to do what you want to do, be who you want to be, experience what you want to experience. God gave us wants so that we would have things in life that we enjoy. He gave us the ability to have a life and have fun. Want to buy a new house? Do it! Want to go to Brazil? Do it! Your wants are what make you you. Why try to deny that by always trying to be 'original', because really, that's just confusing.

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Will you be there?

As I had my music on shuffle tonight, the song Will You Be There by Skillet, came on (hit up the lyrics by clicking here), and it just brought me to almost tears. I imagined people just crying out, asking for someone to be there. Everyone has had the one person in their life they thought would always be there, and some of us have had times where we wonder if they'll always be there. It's a tough thought to think, and a tough thought to overcome. There are so many lost people, blaming God for their problems in this world. I put the song on repeat, and listened to it over, and over, and over. Every time the song finished, I found myself wanting to keep listening to it. It's a question we all have, and we need to realize that yes, God is always there. He has died on the cross so we might live. Literally hundreds of thousands are wandering this world lost and confused, not knowing what to do next. What most people don't realize is that God places desires and needs in our hearts, and He wants us to follow them. Many people think that Christians have to bow completely to God and while that is true, it's not that simple. It's not that simple, in a good way. God wants us to be happy, we're His favourite creation. He gave us the right to choose for a reason. He gave us passions for a reason. He gave us the most beautiful planet in the whole galaxy so that we can admire His work and live in it. I constantly find myself asking myself (in my head) whether or not people will be there for me in the future. I try to push these out by remembering that it doesn't matter. God will be there. God will provide. It's not just thoughts that help me sleep at night. They're truths. They're facts. We don't even need to ask God if He'll be there because HE WILL BE. It's not a question! Whenever we feel far away from God that's not His doing, it's our doing. It's something we're doing wrong. Many time in my life I have felt far from God. I don't blame Him. I might have at the time, but I can't now. In no way can I blame someone who is blameless.

On another note, I was looking through Owl City's blog (www.owlcityblog.com and he does a cover of the song In Christ Alone. For people who don't the song, just visit the link. He mentions how it brought him to tears just playing the song on the piano and he spent more time crying then actually recording it. Before reading the post, I listened to the song. It made me feel really upbeat and just... amazing inside. Again, it made me want to cry. 'For I am His, and He is mine' just hits me right in the chest every time. It's so amazing, and so true. I'll embed the song here for listening, because it just hits me in my heart every time and needs to be shared.

Dreams

Everyone has dreams. Its the thing that makes us unique. Everyone has different values and desires. One thing I don't understand is that people think getting married means those dreams go out the window. People should find someone that is willing to help them follow their dreams, someone they can imagine fitting into those dreams. Wanna go to school? You can do that married. You wanna travel? You can do that married. Why bother spending all your money following a dream just so you can want to get married then not afford to. In my mind it just doesn't make sense. I wanna travel, and I plan to do that with whoever I marry. I plan on finding someone that will want to travel with me, who encourages me to follow my dreams. I want someone who has dreams that they're willing to include me in. Just a little thought.

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Ever have that thought...

Have you ever thought that you just can't wait to get married? Almost every little kid has that thought (after the whole girls have cooties stage). Why has our generation, as adults, walked away from that dream? Yes, I understand I'm only 19 but you can't deny the statistics that half of marriages fail. This thought is always on the back of my mind. I don't want it to be, but it is. Its scary for me, because some of my highest goals are to have a family that not only I'm proud of, but is proud of me. I live my life in a way that I think other people respect, and I'm happy with it so far (not that I foresee that changing). I am so happy that I will one day get married and be able to have kids, like, to be able to have that opportunity... its amazing. I don't want to waste it getting involved in a relationship that I want to end. I've only had 2 girlfriends, and I'm still with the second. I'm happy with her. She makes me a better person by inspiring me to be all that I can be. That's what I expect out of a healthy relationship. It feels really good. Yea there's the ups and downs and everyone says that about relationships but its true. Fighting through it just makes people stronger.

I guess all I'm trying to say is to think about why marriages fail. And to do everything you can to avoid that. Its a bad image on modern society, and I for one don't like it.

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Just Thoughts

Have you ever gotten the feeling of 'What am I doing right now?'. I have. But recently, lets say, in the past year and a half, I haven't thought that too much. I have taken the opportunity given to me to live my life better. I wouldn't say I had a bad life before that or that I was necessarily doing anything wrong, but I have been making a conscious and concerted effort to be happier. To live a better life.

Basically, the decision I made was to give God control, to let go of control of my life. For people that know me, they know that this is extremely hard. I love having control, and I do not often give it up. While in some ways I have taken control of my life, I have given the future to God. I have given my future decisions and what happens to me all to Him. While I struggle with this on a day to day basis sometimes, I have changed a lot. I recognize how much I have changed since graduating high school.I recognize how much I have changed since even first semester of my first year of my post secondary education.

I also recognize how much growing I have yet to do. I have become fairly involved at church and sortof volunteered myself to run some VGA cables for projectors that we want to buy for the church. I have become involved in a mens league soccer team, and we won our first game in a few weeks yesterday (which felt awesome by the way, 8-2 wins always feel really good). I have become what I consider to be fairly independent. While I recognize how much I still do really need my parents, I feel that I have come a long way and feel fairly independent.

In some ways, I believe I haven't changed. I see that I am still shy and while I am more outgoing then when I graduated high school, I definitely have a long way to go. I'm still confident in who I am. I still have great technical skills. My goals for life are still fairly consistent. My profession of choice has changed a bit, but I believe I made the change for the right reasons. I believe that my life has become better. I believe my future, while it has become uncertain, has become more promising. Thanks so much for anyone that has been involved in my life in the past year and a half, you have truly made my life better.

Career or job?

I find myself asking this question consistently when I am thinking about what I want to do this summer. Do I want to start my career or do I want to just find a job where I can make some money?

I am leaning towards a career for sure, especially after attending several IIBA meetings here in Edmonton. The January meeting was especially a confirmation for me that I want a career in what I'm doing here at NAIT. For those that don't know, I am studying business analysis in the digital media and IT program here at NAIT. I really enjoyed helping to plan for and facilitate discussions at the January IIBA meeting, which we hosted here at NAIT. By we, I mean the Business Analyst Club, of which I am a Senior Officer. I really valued the insight of the industry professionals who were at my table who helped inspire me to continue to pursue my career in business analysis. Another thing that helped inspire me and convince me that I was on the right path was when the BA Club brought in some guest speakers, who were all business analysts from industry. They really provided valuable insight on the average day in the life of a BA as well as what they feel the BA not only should do, but what it is going towards.

On another note, there's a career fair today at school for all DMIT students. I'm really excited about this opportunity as well because it will give me another chance to meet even more industry professionals and more of an opportunity to find potential employers.

On yet another note, I got the opportunity to be a technical judge at the FLL Robotics Competition here in Edmonton again this year. It was to watch the kids robots creations and how creative they were in finding ways to solve the tasks that were given to them. As a technical judge, I judged not only how they designed their robot and coded it, but also how much thought and innovation they put into their design. It was really inspiring to see so many kids interested in robotics and amazing to see how advanced some of their logic was in their code. For those of you who don't know what FLL is, you can see the website here.

That's about all I have to say today. Check out my website here if you're interested in taking a look. I recently redesigned it a little bit, although a lot of it stayed the same. There is also some new pictures from Compelled 2010. Have a good one, R.

Let This Be My Prayer

This song is by Switchfoot, called Sing It Out, and really... I don't see it just as an awesome song. As I was listening to it after my crappy day it reminded me... let this be my prayer. Let this be the simple prayer of my life. Especially one of the verses, that goes like this:

And I fall in love
With the ones that run me through
When all along all I need is you

It reminds me... we fall in love so much with the world around us and the things God has placed in it to give us pleasure or people have twisted in sick ways to be addictive and destroy lives that well... all along, all we need is God. All we need is his love. He understands all. He loves all unconditionally. He knows the situation you're going through. You are unique but your situations are not. God heals all wounds. God is your best friend and greatest companion. Do you treat him like that?

Jon Foreman (lead singer of Switchfoot) has some great words as to the meaning of this song for him:

"Sometimes I lose the plot. I feel like I'm hopelessly lost underwater, as though I can't figure out which way is up. I know that there's a song somewhere inside of me but I just can't remember what it is. I want my life to be the poetry of the Poet himself, I want to sing- to be a melody intertwined with The Melody Himself. But sometimes I'm hopelessly lost, broken, spent. I fall in love with the ones and things that take life and love away from me. I need The Song Himself to sing through me. I need The Word Himself to speak into me." - Jon Foreman

YouTube Link (song only)

Lyrics
I'm on the run
I'm on the ropes this time
Where is my song?
I've lost the song of my soul tonight

Sing it out
Sing it out
Take what is left of me
Make it a melody

Sing it out
Sing out loud
I can't find the words to sing
You'd be my remedy

My song
My song
I'll sing with what's left of me

Where is the sun?
Feel like a ghost this time
Where have you gone?
I need your breath in my lungs tonight

Sing it out
Sing it out
Take what is left of me
Make it a melody

Sing it out
Sing out loud
I can't find the words to sing
You'd be my remedy

My song
My song
I'll sing with what's left of me

I'm holding on
I'm holding on to you
My world is wrong
My world is a lie that's come true

And I fall in love
With the ones that run me through
When all along all I need is you

Sing it out
Sing it out
Take what is left of me
Make it a melody

Sing it out
Sing out loud
I can't find the words to sing
You'd be my remedy

My song
My song
My song
I'll sing with what's left of me

/frustrated

You know that feeling when you should be happy but you just can't, no matter how hard you try? That's about how I'm feeling right now. I have this feeling of I'm where I should be, doing what I should be doing, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I almost feel alone. So alone I've lost feeling. And I've only been alone for a week. Its really getting to me. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I'm frustrated.
I thought I would enjoy this. Y'know. Living on my own. Making my own choices. Not have anyone else messing up the place or playing xbox when I wanted to watch tv. So far its been a total bummer. Having nobody here to go grocery shopping with, make fun of, joke around with when I get home... its really really lonely. Having frustrating homework doesn't help. I have this class that they're quizzing on the section before they teach it so we read the book but the problem is, I don't learn by reading. I learn by being taught in class and taking notes - in class. I know its only been one week but we have 2 quizzes to do on the weekend before we've been taught the stuff. I tried studying for the first one, went and did it online, and half the questions I don't remember reading about. Its dumb. And I wish they would teach us what we need to know before expecting us to know what we need to know.

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